July 2011
1 post
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June 2011
1 post
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February 2011
2 posts
American Aquarium Drinker: When I was 9, my... →
daveholmes:
When I was 9, my parents threw a birthday party for some old great-aunt or -uncle or other and invited the whole massive extended family. We’re Irish, so it was packed. Last to arrive was my great-uncle Freddy, a jolly widower who had recently taken up painting. He showed up with a huge package…
Damn if Dave Holmes doesn’t have a magical way with words.
November 2010
3 posts
5 tags
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October 2010
2 posts
September 2010
4 posts
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WatchWith apologies to Hungary. And Indiana. And West Virginia.
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Cross-Pollination →
The night Cara picked us up we went through the motions of town. We gorged ourselves on Chinese Buffet, made phone calls, did laundry, shopped for food. Later, the boys walked over from the hostel they were staying at to the dingy motel room E, Cara, and I shared and we all drank beer and watched…
Hey! I write this, too!
August 2010
4 posts
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Fan Mail!
Email from Sheila Tanguay (tbroomhilda@aol.com): I thought i would watch your video tonight and hear something different than all the men out here who think they are funny by using all the vulgarity, but i see you are no different than they are ,, It is such a shame that in order to be anything anymore you have to cuss like a drunken sailor and use kids as the backdrop, , I don't know if you remember or not but one of the worlds best known comedians was Red Skelton, He could have you on your knees laughing and never use one cuss word in his show,, Its a pity some of you don't take his lead,. You and your kind are such a waste to really talented people out there that can entertain with out going to the gutter for a laugh. You disgust me.
Email from me to Sheila: Dear Sheila,
I appreciate your taking the time to email me. However, I'm not sure why you felt the need to watch my video, decide you didn't like it, then take the time to seek out my website and contact me only to spew negativity about a silly video that is pretty obviously a joke, even if you, personally, don't find it funny. It seems like there are more important things than a few cuss words that you could spend your time getting worked up over- how about the oil spill or, I don't know, war?
If you don't like my videos, that's totally fine, they're not for everyone, but it's a pretty awful thing to do to tell a perfect stranger "you disgust me."
Sincerely,
Sally Brooks
p.s. Cuss words are just words, you are the one giving them the power to offend you. I personally, find cuss words silly. For example, go fuck yourself. See? Hilarious!
July 2010
1 post
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Welcome To West Virginia
Ben and I stood leaning against our car in a Wendy’s parking lot. We were watching for a man in either a charcoal pickup or what sounded like, in his thick Appalachian accent, “uh Moreno…it’s brown” who was bringing us a lease to sign for a house that after we looked at I said “it’s good. It kinda smells like cat pee though, doesn’t it?” Ben...
June 2010
6 posts
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SAA
My husband, Ben, and I are at the end of our year in Hungary. Until a few weeks ago when Ben accepted a new job, we were both somewhat frantically searching for work, as evidenced by this email exchange:
Ben: Hey, I think I might apply for a job with the Feds in DC. Is that alright by you?
Me: Sounds great. Doing what? Being a secret agent of awesome?
Ben: I don’t know exactly...
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Black Jack Justice →
I dare you not to love this podcast by Decoder Ring Theater.
My Year Of Everything: YES →
So here’s the deal: one single audition fundamentally changed just about every aspect of my life for the better, allowed me to do what I love for 12 years and counting, still gets mentioned to me every single day, and I almost skipped it.
I’d moved to New York right out of college, with an entry…
I’ve mentioned before how much I love Dave Holmes’ blog “My Year of...
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May 2010
8 posts
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Okay, maybe you don't make ALL the rules. →
(via daveholmes)
I love this story about a woman who was held in contempt for wearing a t-shirt to court that read ““I have the pussy, so I make the rules.” One of my favorite games while working in state court in rural North Carolina was predicting which serial petty offender would wear the most inappropriate thing to their court appearance. Wearing a marijuana leaf t-shirt...
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I've given up.
I tried to send an email from my yahoo account the other day, but I guess there was some kind of glitch. This is the “failure notice” I received:
Hi. This is the qmail-send program at yahoo.com. I’m afraid I wasn’t able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error; I’ve given up. Sorry it didn’t work out.
You know what, Yahoo? I don’t feel like you’re really...
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Mistaken Identity
My husband, Ben and I went out to dinner for his birthday last year and I was waiting for him to come out of the bathroom when this woman walks up the stairs nearby and says out of the blue “Oh, that bathroom door is stuck, you should go to the one downstairs.” Now, first, Ben is in the bathroom with the door she claims is stuck, and secondly, I didn’t need to go to the bathroom. But, because I...
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I have been to Jamaica.
I went to dinner with my husband once and happened to overhear the conversation of the three guys sitting in the booth behind me (probably because I was intentionally eavesdropping, but whatever). One guy, who I pictured wearing an argyle sweater over a button down shirt (and when I finally turned around - effin’ nailed it!), was talking about how he went to hip-hop night at a nearby bar. ...
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Hierarchy.
My husband, Ben, and I were talking the other day about how it’s interesting that every sub-culture of society has it’s own hierarchy.** For example, we went to the movies and there were two young guys waiting to go into Watchmen, which I knew because they both wore Watchmen T-shirts and one was carrying a well-worn copy of the graphic novel, presumably as a reference guide. So,...
April 2010
3 posts
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Headline of the day.
Every couple of days I like to peruse the front page headlines of Cincinnati’s local newspaper and then make asshole-like comments about them.* And now I’m going to share them with you. You’re so very welcome.
*actual headlines in bold, asshole-like comments in regular type.
“Guess who’s on the jury” Ummm…Sidney Poitier?
“Kid Rock borrows...
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What it's like.
It was the beginning of my favorite kind of joke: Ben and I walk into a bar on a Wednesday night.
The scene felt familiar and the full, but not crowded, wood-panelled room seemed like the kind of neighborhood pub we both preferred. I strode up to the bar, thinking “I could totally be a regular here” and, noticing the FREE WI-FI sign “I’m going to come here everyday and...
March 2010
3 posts
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Strange on a train.
True story of my train ride from Budapest to Slovenia.
“You are British, no?”
At the sound of the Eastern European accent, I lift my head from where I was stooped over my backpack, pulling out items I would need for my 9 hour train ride to Slovenia.
“Uhhh, no…” I answer, straightening up to look at the man.
“Ah, it is just, most travelers here are British so I thought I’d take a guess.” He...
December 2009
1 post
November 2009
1 post
October 2009
8 posts
Dating (from Dave Holmes: My Year of Everything)
myyearofeverything:
Okay, so I’m in the dating chapter of “Self-Made Man,” and guess what? Some people who date are desperate to connect and commit! No, for real!
Norah Vincent could have disguised herself as R2-D2 for a year and written the same book.
When I first moved to LA, I didn’t know too many people, so I put an ad up on Match.com. My first internet date was at a beachside bar in...
My new website is up! →
“Headline of the day: Sibling argument ends in gunfight”
– “I’ve had it with your motherfucking hands on my motherfucking no-man’s land!”
September 2009
1 post
WatchHey, look. It’s me doing stand-up comedy.
August 2009
2 posts
